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Replace ‘shoulds’ with ‘wants’

7th April 2017

We’re not offended when people ask us, ‘How can you do what you do? Isn’t it really sad?’ It’s true, we see a lot of sadness and this isn’t always easy. But people are often surprised to hear that more often than now we’re frequently inspired by the amazing families that we serve and the stories that we hear, and our days involve a lot of laughter too as memories are shared and stories are told. We’re not alone, for you’ll find that other professions who work closely with those going through the more difficult experiences in life often encounter deep value and beauty that is often only found entwined with the hard stuff of life.

This article describes how a hospice nurse is frequently inspired by those she serves. Something in the article really struck, when it describes how the ‘team at the hospice take the pressure off families and allow them to slip back into the roles of wife, husband, daughter, son or friend.’ In a similar way, that’s what the team at Albany encounters frequently: we try and ease or lift burdens from people of what ‘should’ happen so that people are free to choose what is right for them as a wife, or husband, daughter, son or friend. In our culture in the UK when someone dies, a mix of tradition and the expectations of others can suddenly kick in which can prevent us from doing what is really right for us as a family. It will often be found when you find yourself saying ‘I should to this’ or ‘I should have that…’

Shoulds are not the most helpful way of making choices. Instead, consider what is it you really want? What would be the most helpful way of saying goodbye? What did they want and is there a way this can be done in a special way so that it helps those who are present?

Listen to tradition and see what wisdom it has that may help, but don’t be confined by it. Instead, ask these better questions, for our experience is that these questions take you in a better direction and to a funeral or occasion which helps your grief and to a memory that will help you move forward.



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From Facebook

2 weeks ago

Albany Funerals
With the coronavirus restrictions still limiting funerals to 30 people, being able to offer a live stream of the service has made such a difference to many of our clients. We've had friends and family members from all over the world joining us on their screens from the comfort and safety of their own homes, and also even fully participating in 'Zoom' funerals. Some are still a bit skeptical but we honestly find that the experience has been mostly positive, and offered a real lifeline in some situations. Here is a little video prepared by one of the celebrants we work with which offers some great insight and advice on how to get the most out of attending a funeral via live-stream or Zoom. Thank you Marc Lemezma. https://vimeo.com/531153582 ... See MoreSee Less

2 weeks ago

Albany Funerals
The team at Albany are proud to be Dementia Friends Champions and we are a Dementia Friendly business. Dementia Friends are trained volunteers who encourage others to learn a little bit about dementia. Champions run Information Sessions in their community and inspire others to help those living with dementia live well.If you register your organisation with Dementia Friends, you will get access to resources and information aimed at helping members of your organisation understand dementia and how it may affect a person.For further information head to Dementia UK Dementia Friends or Building a Dementia Friendly Maidstone. ... See MoreSee Less

3 weeks ago

Albany Funerals
Our branch in Great Chart, just outside of Ashford is within a beautiful converted barn on New Street farm which was previously a fully working farm. When visiting Albany you can be assured of a warm welcome in peaceful and relaxing surroundings. As you can see our bereavement dog, Pix, rather likes standing at the front door watching the world go by. Please contact us on 01233 650746 if you require further information. ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

Albany Funerals
Rather than a traditional service did you know you can organise an unattended cremation? For some the formal ceremony at a crematorium is not feasible, too costly, unbearable or has no meaning in a space that can feel disconnected to the person who died. An unattended cremation enables you to arrange a celebration of your loved one’s life at a venue of your own choice where you can say goodbye with scattering of ashes, or not.This type of memorial gives you the opportunity, with more time and space, to add personal and creative aspects to saying farewell. At Albany we embrace this option wholeheartedly, there are so many ways of saying goodbye, we want people to know there are choices and families do not have to be constricted by tradition. The images are of an unattended cremation, at all times our staff and the staff at Vinters Park Crematorium treat the departed with peaceful dignity.In this instance the family held an afternoon tea around the coffin in the beautiful lounge space at our Ashford premises, they shared laughter, anecdotes and photographs whilst listening to favourite songs and reminiscing, it was a very special afternoon. (Photos shared with permission and government guidelines were observed). ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

Albany Funerals
Advice for us all, delivered in a beautiful, personal and poignant little clip. ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

Albany Funerals
Despite the light drizzle this was a beautiful service at Eden Valley Woodland Burial Ground celebrating the life of a much loved Mother. The flowers from Star & The Rose were stunning and seamlessly complemented the surroundings. ... See MoreSee Less

1 month ago

Albany Funerals
Today marks one year since the first national lockdown. The team at Albany will participate in a minute’s silence to show support to those who have lost loved ones during the pandemic. ... See MoreSee Less

2 months ago

Albany Funerals
Just received my pre-order of this amazing book co-written by my friend and fellow progressive funeral director Louise Winter. First quick thumb through revealed this little gem - The Unsaid. #theunsaid Available:We all know how this ends: Lessons about life and living from working with death and dying https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1472966813/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_8FNHPNF1TNZMCA4SV1GE ... See MoreSee Less
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